So much pain

Mom, Dad, hey it’s your eldest and I know it’s been a long time since we talked and have never seen eye to eye for as long as I can remember. but I’m not ok. You see y’all being evangelical baptist whatever the fucks has my head going all over the god damn place. You taught me nothing but lies growing up and you don’t deserve to know me anymore. I’m not ok because I know who you are gonna vote for and you vote for him I’m dead. End of story. Bye. Fucking gone because his politics hate the lbgtqia community yet claim they are pro life. Y’all told me you are pro life but you aren’t, you are pro fetus. Your political view is going to force me out of this country and cause me to move away from my kids… that’s real fucking pro life… You don’t have any idea what it means to be pro life. Fine ok I’ll never understand but you are showing the world that you just don’t give a shit about your kids. Unless one is a drunk and a sexual predator, then you treat them like they are your best friend. You forget about your daughters and outcast us while you allow the sexual predator to just live every day life because the mother fucker is “forgiven.” What does that mean your daughters are, worthless? unable? too sensitive? What the fuck does it mean?

I am a woman I have been my entire life and you are missing all the growth that I am having. Not only in my self but with my close friends. I’m not gonna say anymore than that because you just simply do not get to know. This isn’t a lifestyle this is who I am and you clearly can’t see that because your blindsided by the Christian one way faith. How can you be sure the Bible is true? I know what your thinking, “oh no no you have gone way far from the faith and are going to burn in hell forever.” Guess what… HELL ISNT FUCKING REAL! Neither is heaven. We die and get eatin up by worms.

I’m mad at both of you because you are so narrow minded (always have been) and you don’t see the bigger picture. You don’t even want to look for it. You sit on your chairs behind your iPad and MacBook and stew about some fucking person who did you wrong along the way. You are probably stewin about me right now aren’t you? That or you just don’t give a fuck and I’m gonna go with the latter. That’s fine because I don’t need either of you I never have I’ve always been on my own because you two haven’t cared. The moment you said ywam I jumped for joy because I thought this whole trans thing was going to be healed. I was so wrong and I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life inside of those 6 years… Can you guess what it was? Because I’m not going to tell you you don’t deserve to know anything else about my life.

So, enjoy your booze and stew on your little crock pot chairs about how awful I have become. I don’t care I’m done caring.


Cisgender heterosexual white folks, this one is for you. I wake up like so many others knowing I’ll be misgendered and I can’t even wear what I want because our culture bitches about clothes like they are the one with this fake thing called gender. You make me sick not all of you but most and when it comes down to it you sit on piles of privilege miles high and you don’t even realize it. So many of you have the privilege to help but you don’t because you don’t agree with this “life style” and can’t stand change. I can’t stand you.

If you are so blind to seeing your privilege then you have way to much privilege because that is a privilege in and of itself. It’s a privilege to live in a house, it’s a privilege to own a car, it’s a privilege to stay off the street every night, it’s a privilege to have parents that actually fucking try and some what care, and it’s a privilege to have a job. So many people are blind to these facts. We see it all the time, missionaries going and taking selfies with the brown baby in the village that is infested by raw sewage and bed bugs then coming home to a nice warm bed and a comfortable house like nothing happened. Or the missionaries going to the projects in New Orleans to play with the black kids in a orderly fashion only spending maybe 3 hours with them. Causing them trauma and neglect that they didn’t need.

What I am trying to get at is this, today millions of queers woke up more afraid than normal knowing that the Supreme Court is having hearings deciding weather or not you can get fired for being lgbtqia+. It is just like last October all over again and I just want it to end. I don’t want a conservative in office anymore, I don’t want to hear you are pro-life, i don’t want to hear about guns, I don’t want to have to exhaust myself advocating for BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS, and I sure as fuck don’t want to hear you disagree with my “life style.” You are just too petty to embrace the change and you are scared to let loose because of massive constructs YOU have made. The narrative is changing weather you like it or not, so saddle up because I am not done using my voice yet.


If you think Christianity is the way, good for you. I don’t. I see Christians as they believe things are just black and white and they don’t allow any gray which is why so many people get hurt. You see if you want Christianity back in schools you need to let the Quran in there Hindu writings and allow folks to be free. Putting the stamp on it to say that “we are becoming a Christian nation again” is an interesting way to look because we where never a Christian nation, we found this country with a genocide. We raped and killed native Americans for land then we took black people and forced them to become slaves. With them Never knowing where HOME really was.

I don’t care if you wanna be a Christian but don’t shove it in my face let me do me and you do you. Let me live my best life without feeling judgement from two states over, up north, over to the west and down south I can feel the judgement and I question it with this… Being a Christian isn’t god the only judge? Didn’t god say to take care of the orphan and the widow? Didn’t god say to love all humans regardless of skin color, sexual orientation, and if they are disabled or not? You judging me isn’t helping your cause and you got a place in hell right next door to Adolf Hitler because I think this god you worship hates the way you treat minorities. Unless it’s all about the picking and choosing what you want to believe and don’t want to believe, I see that all the time.

I go so hard on Christianity because Christianity was hard on me. From a very young age Christianity has been painful, stressful, dangerous, and all I got was false hope. False hope that I would make it to India and love on the minorities. False hope that we would be able to build an orphanage. False hope that I was ever gonna get out of grounds and learn other things. I’ve been treading water for too long and especially ywam where you tread waters for years before you see the jumbled mess behind this stage they have created to look so perfect but the cables are starting a fire and about to expose all the shit Christianity puts people through.

Thank you to the Christians that get this and are affirming. You are the real mvps.


I never would of thought I would see the day where Satanist’s are more “Christian” than the self proclaiming Christians. As a mijiority (not all) but most Christians act like the Satan they talked about being evil while I was growing up. They freak out about immigrants and they say I’m going to hell because I am different. All without acknowledging that this God they love so much is supposedly huge and loves all people. ALL PEOPLE! WHOAH what? Say it ain’t so.

Bitch, it is so and either way if there is a God or not loving other humans is the decent and right thing to do. Wanting to see people suffer is cruel and not what this life is about. Evangelicals talk about community like it is some upper level accomplishment but at the end of the day have no fucking idea what community even is.

My definition of community is the thing I get to do every day. Having 5 meetings about the same thing while being spiritually abused is NOT community. Allowing husbands to talk down to their wives and get away with it is not community. Also, being told that you and your wife have never had a fight is a bull faced lie you just talked her way down so she would “submit.”

Back to my first thought about Satanist’s being more “Christian” than the self proclaiming Christians, Satanist’s understand that no person is under equality and no person is less than. Unless they are nazis, nazis don’t deserve the time of day. You don’t get to watch minorities suffer and laugh at their distress that is not “Christian” at all. The “Christian” I was taught anyway. Satanism is a religion and still set up like a religion I’ll never join it I’ll never dig deep into it because I’m done being a part of a cult.

The value for people’s lives is way more important to me than any religion or God I could follow. People living their best lives is important and you can’t do that inside a religion. Being a nazi means you fucked up and don’t deserve the time of day I would give a minority. Your president is the biggest racist and bigot on the planet and supporting him means you are hurting me. The way I see it it’s either trump or truth and folks living truth is so much more powerful than an evil man. Open those little eyes and start to pay attention. If God is real they are just as practical as they are spiritual. Thoughts and prayers are NOT enough and you fucking know it.

I know I probably ruffled some feathers which was the plan. Im not sorry about my presentation or even what I said because its what I believe it’s how I live and after watching the last few years in America I’m tired and angry and still don’t understand why evangelicals still follow this vile diabolical human who isn’t even human in my opinion.