Yesterday I was sitting in my car depressed in a Lowe’s parking lot
A week ago I was in my room lonely
Growing up in that room was very painful
Today got hit in the face by a log
Because I was young and dumb
I remember so much stuff and I really wish I could just forget
I wish I could just turn of the first 27 years and be who I really am
I lied to so many people
Because it was a safety mechanism
I was good at 2 facing
A month ago I was eating in chucky cheese pizza watching other kids get pretty much a whole package deal
I fought for simple things
I got in trouble
I sat at the table every night just to be reprimanded for some weird thing I did
Every night we sat as a family
Sure as fuck didn’t act like a family though
Being the oldest I was the problem and the test
That is pretty damn clear
Being the test hurt more than getting hit by a freight train
Not fucking kidding
If you gonna decide to have kids fucking let them live how they want
I was pressured I still remember every time my dad would pressure me
I remember all the times my mom was quiet
I was a test and it fucking hurt
The sexual predator of the family is the angle
He’s been forgivin and shit
I write this out because my memory needs to come out some how
I need to share
I haven’t been able to genuinely share
Fuck
This life is so hard
Non of us decided to be born
Instead we where forced out and
Told to live a certain way
Well maybe that god damn way is just a choice
Don’t we get choices
It’s not just black and white
It’s grey
Closing a person in on one thing
And telling them it’s the way
Without giving them autonomy
Giving No space to question
Just making them your slave
They are slowly dying
They feel like there is no hope anymore
