Truths and it is fucking scary

Being a group that talks highly about the unconditional love of this god that doesn’t exsist they are extremely conditional and I know I have gone down this road but I feel like that road has a little bit left before I get off. You see at YWAM you are taught god is a father and loves you unconditionally but there is so many conditions in the ministry that god sure as fuck seems like a dad instead of a father. A dad meaning abusive and drunk. A father loves a dad is who I grew up around.

My entire life was all about conditions and I was getting dragged in the mud by folks saying that their love is unconditional love; I fucking believed them and I genuinely respected them. That is who I am. They pulled me along and lied, caused ptsd and extended nothing but spiritual abuse. I don’t even think anyone there is genuine. I saw contridictions every god Damn day. The longer I am gone and not apart of the organization I find it interesting no one has tried to reach out but at the same time it makes sense. Non of them care about anyone even wives get treated like shit. Well, they are Christians and we all know women are treated as the lower in the household. I still can’t believe someone told me him and his wife have never had a fight, that is so toxic. I am not justifing fights but fights can help you grow and learn new things about the person you love. No fight means that person is not given any autonomy.

Out of anything in my life joining ywam was the biggest mistake of my life. My box was forced into tiny spots and I couldn’t grow. I couldn’t progress past the spiritual abuse because it was always my fault. It was my fault we didn’t make it to India. It is my fault we got a divorce. It’s my fault I stayed in ywam for so long. Now that I am out I am seeing that this life is so much bigger than the box I was forced into. Having tunnel vision for so long and not experiencing anything other than religion hurt. It hurt me it is causing daily ptsd. Religion is gross and this relationship they all talked about is a fucking pipe dream.

Never tell me it is a relationship ever again because I experienced religion and it is awful. So many people have died because of religion. A relationship is letting a person grow and live their best lives. A relationship should allow room to talk and process with out being gas lit. A relationship model is my partner and I letting each other just simply live. What ever that looks like for us.

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sashaadele1

My name is Sasha Adele Braden, a transgender woman, who is queer and living in freedom. I knew I was transgender at the age of five because my development just seemed off so I had an inclination something was very wrong. I was locked away because of shame and I decided that I was going to take my truth to the grave and never open up to anyone because I was full of fear. That all changed February 14, 2018, when it all came out. I’m free. I’m alive. I’m learning that life isn’t just eating, sleeping, having sex, and going to the bathroom but it is so much more! Learning that has been a blast! I am also co-managing a grassroots organization called, “REFLECT” and it is all about trans and nonbinary expression through community while being able to completely lean on allies. I am super stoked to be doing this and being a safe place for the queer community of Austin, TX. Look up my Facebook page “REFLECT” for more details. With all of that said, welcome to my life. I welcome all types of people and welcome all types of dialogue. So, drop a comment or two on a post every once In a while​ this blog is mainly just a way to let go of trauma from my past. Expressing it has helped me overcome things I thought I was never going to be able to overcome and I’m living in freedom for the first time in my life.

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