Life… What a funny thing it is am I right? One minute you are sending your spouse a happy valentines day then the next you know you are out to her as a trans woman and you have no fucking clue how you had the guts to come out like that. Then you look for work, you stay with the kids trying really hard to overcome without having to leave. But, there is no way, you have to leave. You got to move because of where you live on the map first off and second because your spouse is having such a hard time you only see it as fair that you leave to start over and bust ass to pay for child care and child support.
When you leave you bawl your eyes out because the life that was consistent that you had for six years is now over and you have to go back into full of survival mode trying to make it till the end of the week on only eating one big mac and smoking probably too many ciggeretts. You progress you have three jobs as soon as you move your car is full of all your shit and you don’t know anyone where you are going but you get connected with a great job being an in-home attendant for an incredible woman and you start learning more and more about disability more so than you ever thought was possible and become a disability activist and go to the texas capital nearly every day advocating for disability rights along with LGBTQIA rights. Life starts looking up.
All of a sudden it’s a new fucking year and you have no fucking idea what happened to the year you came out and all the pain of the year you forget but you don’t. It still stings like a fucking bee getting you over and over. But, you meet someone who is able to walk with you through YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS BETTER THAN ANYONE has been able to before and you can’t help but fucking sob. You feel like you don’t deserve this shit but you embrace it anyway because you feel safe and you feel like you can trust this person. You open up about everything you let the woman you are an attendant for in so far that she becomes your sister and a part of your family that you don’t know how the fuck it took this long for a sister like this to come into my life. Let a lone a partner who can help me walk through my shit and brings me out the other side nearly every time I feel like I feel right now…
2019 has been all over the place but, I am thankful for Alice and Amy and Linda. All of them are so perfect and they add so much color and hope to my life that I can’t help but cry every time I think about how thankful I am for them. I would not of made it through 2018 had it not been for Amy and Linda. Now that Alice is in my life I see 2019 becoming the best year of my entire life. Living in truth, living out as this beautiful canvas learning and growing more in who I really am. Being a christian you don’t get to do this shit you are bound to a book and the white republican jesus who only cares if you have cash. Life away from all of that is so freeing and so much more fulfilling I feel like I can breath for the first time in my life.
Live that truth.