I don’t know if you remember in one of my earlier blog posts I shared that instead of being one foot off the cliff I was sitting on the rock right before the cliff? Today as I write this I feel like I’m at a place of being able to get in my car and marvel at the new scenery.
It was nine months of being in the same place and I only got to see a little tiny portion of what my truth looks like. The scary side and the confusing side of my truth that I guess I had to tap into first before I could carry on. A lot of you know last year (2018) was full of depression and anxiety and I nearly killed myself a few times but today I’m in a brand new spot and I feel freer then I have ever been in my life. It has honestly been tricky tapping into the freedom but I think I am getting there. New Years I told myself and the people I was around, “I’m not taking shit in 2019, 2019 is my year and I am going to take it. I’m getting my life back.”
It has been 14 days into 2019 and I feel like I have seen so much scenery in such a short amount of time that when I get to sit down and think about it I cry. I cry so hard because well how is this shit real? How am I here in the happiest place I have ever been and have so much going well? You see with REFLECT.ATX I feel like I tapped into a side of me that had been caged and forgotten about. I have always been a helper I have always wanted the best for folks and I have always tried to make life as accessible for all that I come in contact with. But, there was a big part missing… MY TRUTH. I did all that while living a lie and playing the part of being a man. Now I am myself and the number of times folks have contacted me because they have felt the same as I did last year is staggering. I can’t believe it and honestly some days I can’t keep up.
Back to the update for 2019, on new years I connected with this amazing trans woman and ever since then I don’t know she just has that essence about her that makes me crazy. Like I really like her and am stoked for what the year has in store with her. Growing and transitioning together is going to be such a fun life-giving adventure that for some reason I don’t feel like I deserve. But, that is where I am going to try and learn more about myself. I got to allow myself good and truth because for the first time in my life I am genuinely happy.
So as I am driving around experiencing new scenery I am going to tap into this truth as much as possible and continue to kick 2019’s ass. Don’t take shit from no one this year and be you! whatever that looks like BE YOU and be free! If you are in Austin, Tx and curious as to what REFLECT.ATX is don’t hesitate to ask me. This grassroots organization literally saved my life last year and I am so stoked to keep going with it and watching it grow into whatever it want to grow into.