Time In The Closet

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would dream about being a beautiful princess wearing pearls, the whitest dress, red strappy heels, and your hair is done to perfection? You were at a party actually enjoying yourself and LIVING your best life possible. You even had a smile on your face.

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would dream about never having to wear boxers again because you hated them with a deep passion they were the worst. You would also dream about having your own breasts to fill a cute bra. Bras where also the article of clothing you admired the most while you were in the closet because you felt adorable in them. (Maybe this is why I have like 20 different bras?) Also, remember when you would wear bras and panties while still in the closet and you would long to be able to take a selfie because you felt adorable and perfect even though you had all that body hair you felt free. Throw a dress over your head and you where unstoppable no matter how much time you had be that 3 minutes or all night, every time you felt free.

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would dream about painting your nails and painting your face to perfection? Like every time you grabbed the lipstick you would spend as much time as you could on it because you wanted your lips to be radiant and you wanted to feel beautiful. Or how about that time in Phoenix, Az when you bought the cutest yellow nail polish and got so excited you had an entire week to leave it on your toes? What about the last trip to Portland, Or when it was Halloween and you bought the cutest princess makeup kit and loved yourself all night taking selfies of your beautiful face and actually breathing?

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would go out and buy clothes and have to hide them extremely well and would have anxiety because you didn’t want anyone to find them? You bought so many clothes and loved them so much until you had the thought that it was all a phase but the longer life went on you knew it definitely wasn’t a phase but who you are. You were more comfortable buying feminine presenting stuff than you could believe and felt amazing letting yourself explore how cute you could feel.

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you drove 36 hours straight to Phoenix, Az with the bag of clothes that was supposed to go to GoodWill but you kept it anyway because there were heels, dresses, tops, and pants?  You left the house at 9:00 P.M. drove to the safest Walmart that you had mapped out even before you left and got yourself what you were missing in that bag of clothes.  After Walmart, you got in your car and while driving at 11 o’clock at night you changed into that little black dress and felt so free so alive. You were able to be yourself and even though you drove through the night you felt wide awake because you were living out the truth.

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would turn vinyl on, put a dress on, and do your lips that dance around like a freak because you just wanted to freely express and not feel depressed even for a minute. Wearing what you wanted to wear was a huge way that helped you to keep going.

Girl, remember that time in the closet when you would watch chick flicks alone and feel so alive? You would set up a bath with all the soaps and salts you would have red wine and you would love yourself while you were watching movies that gave you intense passion for fashion.

You did a lot behind those closet doors and this is a reminder that you are now ALLOWED fully to do all the above without hiding. You can wear dresses. You can wear cute bras. You can wear pearls. You can dance around in your dresses and not fear being caught. You can watch all the chick flicks you want to grow the passion for fashion. You can have your nails painted even your fingers. You can take a bath with smooth legs and feel ALIVE. You are a woman you have always been a woman and you are free to be you!

Wear those dresses, enjoy those pretty heels, work that makeup to help you feel gorgeous, style that hair how YOU want it, and embrace you full femininity because girl, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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My name is Sasha Adele Braden, a transgender woman, who is queer and living in freedom. I knew I was transgender at the age of five because my development just seemed off so I had an inclination something was very wrong. I was locked away because of shame and I decided that I was going to take my truth to the grave and never open up to anyone because I was full of fear. That all changed February 14, 2018, when it all came out. I’m free. I’m alive. I’m learning that life isn’t just eating, sleeping, having sex, and going to the bathroom but it is so much more! Learning that has been a blast! I am also co-managing a grassroots organization called, “REFLECT” and it is all about trans and nonbinary expression through community while being able to completely lean on allies. I am super stoked to be doing this and being a safe place for the queer community of Austin, TX. Look up my Facebook page “REFLECT” for more details. With all of that said, welcome to my life. I welcome all types of people and welcome all types of dialogue. So, drop a comment or two on a post every once In a while​ this blog is mainly just a way to let go of trauma from my past. Expressing it has helped me overcome things I thought I was never going to be able to overcome and I’m living in freedom for the first time in my life.

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