Some Beach…

🚨TW::: anxiety, depression, panic attack, voices in the head, trauma. 🚨

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Last night I nearly stopped breathing because of the worst panic attack I have ever had in my life…

The voices from my old leaders at YWAM started softly filling my head with, “you sinner how could you do this to your family you kids are gonna be screwed up for life because YOU are now out of gods design.”

After what seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes the voices kept saying that only louder and louder and louder till I broke down in front of my roommates on the ground shaking from the fear and just not knowing what the hell to do.

After a little bit I said, “I need to go on a drive to clear my head.” When I was 18-20 I’d leave and drive for hours chain smoking and listening to music as loud as the stereo would allow me. My roommates banded together and helped me with gas to get out and do what I had to do.

So, I drove down to Corpus Cristy which was 4 hours south and the moment I put my feet on the sand I instantly started bawling. I was sobbing most of the night and decided to stay till sunrise. After sunrise I stayed a little longer and on my way back I bawled even more and it seemed a bit harder.

I needed to emotion and release as much as I could. I haven’t slept since yesterday around 530 am and anytime I catch myself closing my eyes I jolt like it’s a trauma response.

Evangelicals are good at fucking you up but SUCK at loving you and being supportive. I feel like I have gone completely crazy…

Published by

sashaadele1

My name is Sasha Adele Braden, a transgender woman, who is queer and living in freedom. I knew I was transgender at the age of five because my development just seemed off so I had an inclination something was very wrong. I was locked away because of shame and I decided that I was going to take my truth to the grave and never open up to anyone because I was full of fear. That all changed February 14, 2018, when it all came out. I’m free. I’m alive. I’m learning that life isn’t just eating, sleeping, having sex, and going to the bathroom but it is so much more! Learning that has been a blast! I am also co-managing a grassroots organization called, “REFLECT” and it is all about trans and nonbinary expression through community while being able to completely lean on allies. I am super stoked to be doing this and being a safe place for the queer community of Austin, TX. Look up my Facebook page “REFLECT” for more details. With all of that said, welcome to my life. I welcome all types of people and welcome all types of dialogue. So, drop a comment or two on a post every once In a while​ this blog is mainly just a way to let go of trauma from my past. Expressing it has helped me overcome things I thought I was never going to be able to overcome and I’m living in freedom for the first time in my life.

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