Christians are really good at making you feel like shit. The more and more I get text messages from my old friends I feel like they are stabbing me in the back. It’s like being transgender is some joke and living out your true identity is completely false. Christianity is really good at making you feel like you’re worthless. The Christians God tells you that you need to die to yourself and live like your life is meaningless— just one giant dying to yourself party.
I got a text from a life-long friend a few weeks ago out of the blue telling me that I m a sinner and they can’t partner with me because I’m commenting “sexual sin.” Where in the bible does it say being transgender is a sin? Why text me out of the blue like that and say such hurtful things?
Here is the answer because I used to be just like this person so I know where they are coming from and it is beyond fucked up. The answer is; it’s because being a “Christian” you feel obligated to make sure every human being is going to make it to heaven. Being a “Christian” means you don’t stick up for the least of these and help them out instead you cast them out as trash and force them to change to be just like the rest of the “Christians.” You try and make the idea of heaven seem appealing but throw conditions on top of it and treat people like filth. Until they change and conform to your lifestyle they mean nothing. I did that to people. I hurt people like that and feel like shit for doing that but, I’m a changed person and won’t ever treat people like that again.
I got another text from another life-long friend the other day just saying, “I hope I am ok and praying for you.” Praying for me, what is that going to do? That is the very essence of a cop-out when it comes to conversation. Ask me how my transition is going, ask me what my practical needs are, and ask me questions related to what I am going through. Prayer is one giant made up pile of bull shit.
My dad today called and asked, “what has been going on?” he was prying and trying to get every damn detail out of me. My parents don’t know I am transgender yet but their intuition is freaking me the fuck out. I had to lie the entire conversation because the moment they find out I am transgender is going to be a very hard moment for everyone involved. My dad wants me to read the bible 15 minutes a day and dwell on it. GROSS. He said, “whatever is going on Jesus will make it all better.” Honestly, if Jesus wants to make it better fine, I’m not going to be searching for him expecting some great thing to happen. The way I see it heaven is going to be when I die and get put back in the ground and don’t have to deal with all the shit from family/friends who claim they love me. I’m living in hell being alive knowing that my parents and my so-called life-long friends think I am worthless without god and the man-written bible. That is hell.
All of my chosen family are great though. They are the ones who keep me going. Everyone who reads this blog keeps me going. I am thankful for my Austin, Tx queer community and all my ally friends that I have. For those of you, I just listed above and are reading this, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! I would not be alive if I didn’t have you in my life. Heres to us and may we never stop loving humans for who they are! It’s just that simple love humans for who they are…